Sometimes I feel like i’ve lost my creative streak. Sometimes it feels like it been gone now for exactly 11 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes and 8 Years. At times I know I stress over its unexplained absence so much that I push it away even further.
I often compare my ‘creative streak’ to one of those friends who you absolutely love and have the best time with but you can’t really rely on when the going gets tough (cannot type that phrase without Ronan Keatings voice in my head). But why would it be reliable to a fault when I’ve been so horrible to It?
My Creativity and Me are not good friends, I give out about it, I put it down, I’m constantly disappointed in it and comparing it to other people. Worst of all I’ve been guilty of being ashamed of it. Up to now we might have even been frenemies.
But this has got to stop! If you have read my last blog post you’ll know i’m in the middle of what I diagnosed as a ‘Quarter Life Crisis’ . With this diagnosis I’ve prescribed myself a sharp dose of reality and a daily shot of get up and go! No more time wasting, letting life pass me by, comparing myself to others and always coming up short (no height jokes please)! And with this new determination came my decision to embrace my creativity and god damn hug it to death until we become BFF’S !!
When I was but a mere young one, I was always being told I was creative. Not to assume that I am the flighty highly intelligent artistic type, to my dismay I suck at that stuff so I leave the drawing and painting etc up to the professionals. Rather that, when I was younger I think my teachers in primary school told my parents I was creative because I was a dramatic show off, craving the spotlight so much that I even once convinced my 5th class teacher to let me play St.Patrick in our school play, yes I know but hey he had the most lines!! In secondary school I was always getting my journal taken off me for scribbling poems and short stories in during class, and at home I was the entertainer who kept a diary and wore funny hats. When school ended I had done so little focusing that I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, I fell into one college course after another that didn’t suit until I finally stuck with an general Arts Degree. The perfect medium in which to be creative I hear you shriek. Yes, you are so right, however by this time I had become so unsure of myself and my future that I self sabotaged, pushing any creativity away. Sure it made fleeting appearances, my love of writing and acting came back at times and we had lots of fun together but the minute it tried to show itself in public I shamefully shoved it back into the dark corner in which it had came and tried to act as one of the crowd. Suffering from that mundane and stupid fear of worrying what other people thought. Screw that I say!
While I might never appear on the stage of The Gaiety, which my favorite teacher wrote she would see me in my journal when leaving school, I will follow my passion for writing whether it goes somewhere or stays just for me, whether people read it or not, if people think its pure genius or utter tripe. As, frankly, life is to f*ing short right!?
Who wants to be part of the crowd!?
This is a two part blog post, next post: ‘Originality – Has Someone Done This Before?’
Don't Minchin It! 