Sexbox : Women and Porn

Credit: Channel4

Sexbox is part of Channel 4’s ‘Campaign for Real Sex’ season. Mariella Frostrup presents, joined by a panel of experts, Dan Savage, Tracey Cox, and Philip Hodson. The show invites couples to have sex in the ‘Sexbox’ and directly after, discuss their feelings and experiences with the experts.

On initially hearing the concept and the claim that the makers wanted to ‘reclaim sex from porn’ , I was very skeptical. You’re putting them in a damn box for god sake, how is that reclaiming anything!? Still, I planned to watch because, a) I’m nosey and b) I’m watching everything else in this sex season. So I changed into my comfy PJs, made myself a hot chocolate and, with twitter open and ready, settled in for a night of ‘watching’ other people have sex!

I was blown away by how much I enjoyed and learnt from the show. Thinking I was going to be in for a gimmicky program, made for the sole purpose of getting ratings, what I actually got was an enlightening and honest look at the value and variety of sex in peoples relationships. Throughout the show we met various couples of different age, sexual orientation, race, size, shape, physical capabilities, you name it! The insights from the show were immense, one that stuck me the most came from panelist Dan Savage, when asked about the stereotypical views of gay sex, ‘straight people project onto gay sex a problem with heterosexual sex’. Ignorance breeds negative stereotyping. The show is a definite recommendation from me, you can still watch it on 4oD. For now, I want to write a bit about one main issue that came up during the show, pornography.

We met a young couple in their 20s who talked about how their sex life is very healthy and adventurous, integrating porn on occasion. Discussing how much they enjoy and trust each other, they explained how they used porn as an extension of their sex life, not a crutch. Porn is there because they are both happy and comfortable enough with each other to enjoy and use it together. This brought up the idea to me of the negativity surrounding women admitting to viewing and enjoying porn, in particular, to other women.

Safe and legal porn used in a healthy way (stop reading now if you’re easily shocked) I think, is a great idea and why should there be any shame in it? So why can most women not admit to other women they watch porn? Maybe it’s the certain look of horror one gets, as if immediately being labelled as the town pervert. More and more studies are being conducted on the subject of women and porn, like the one conducted by the University of Sydney, showing that 30% of women admitted to viewing porn, either with their partners or solo. So maybe we are just too shy here in Ireland?

Many people have the view that porn is degrading and by default viewing it must mean you are a bit sleazy and weird. However, looking at findings from the Journal of Sex Research, women who work in the adult entertainment industry were shown to have higher self esteem and more comfortable in themselves. Now I’m not saying we should run and take our clothes off before the nearest camera but it definitely defuncts that argument. I can’t speak for other women (mainly because I can’t find any who will talk about it) but I admire women in the porn industry for their positive body image and their security in their sexuality. So once the people involved are doing it because they want to, is porn, used in the right way, by a woman for some cheeky kicks really such a bad thing?

I have a feeling if we took the lesson from Sexbox to be more honest and less judgemental about others viewing porn we could stop being so frightened by it and use it for the fun educational tool it can be. Women shouldn’t attack other women for exploring their own sexuality and enjoying themselves while doing so. As Tracey Cox said, ‘cultural restraints are what inhibit female libido’, and, to me, anything that stops a woman enjoying her own sexuality harmful!

Maybe we can never reclaim sex from porn, but I don’t know if we really need to because, if we use it selectively and educate ourselves about it then maybe we can live openly in harmony with it.

If you would like to share your thoughts and vote below please do! Non judgemental of course 😉

Adeline x

@addyminchin

Creativity – Who Wants To Be Part Of The Crowd?

Sometimes I feel like i’ve lost my creative streak. Sometimes it feels like it been gone now for exactly 11 days, 10 hours, 9 minutes and 8 Years. At times I know I stress over its unexplained absence so much that I push it away even further.

I often compare my ‘creative streak’ to one of those friends who you absolutely love and have the best time with but you can’t really rely on when the going gets tough (cannot type that phrase without Ronan Keatings voice in my head). But why would it be reliable to a fault when I’ve been so horrible to It?

My Creativity and Me are not good friends, I give out about it, I put it down, I’m constantly disappointed in it and comparing it to other people. Worst of all I’ve been guilty of being ashamed of it. Up to now we might have even been frenemies.

But this has got to stop! If you have read my last blog post you’ll know i’m in the middle of what I diagnosed as a ‘Quarter Life Crisis’ . With this diagnosis I’ve prescribed myself a sharp dose of reality and a daily shot of get up and go! No more time wasting, letting life pass me by, comparing myself to others and always coming up short (no height jokes please)! And with this new determination came my decision to embrace my creativity and god damn hug it to death until we become BFF’S !!

When I was but a mere young one, I was always being told I was creative. Not to assume that I am the flighty highly intelligent artistic type, to my dismay I suck at that stuff so I leave the drawing and painting etc up to the professionals. Rather that, when I was younger I think my teachers in primary school told my parents I was creative because I was a dramatic show off, craving the spotlight so much that I even once convinced my 5th class teacher to let me play St.Patrick in our school play, yes I know but hey he had the most lines!! In secondary school I was always getting my journal taken off me for scribbling poems and short stories in during class, and at home I was the entertainer who kept a diary and wore funny hats. When school ended I had done so little focusing that I had no idea what I was going to do with myself, I fell into one college course after another that didn’t suit until I finally stuck with an general Arts Degree. The perfect medium in which to be creative I hear you shriek. Yes, you are so right, however by this time I had become so unsure of myself and my future that I self sabotaged, pushing any creativity away. Sure it made fleeting appearances, my love of writing and acting came back at times and we had lots of fun together but the minute it tried to show itself in public I shamefully shoved it back into the dark corner in which it had came and tried to act as one of the crowd. Suffering from that mundane and stupid fear of worrying what other people thought. Screw that I say!

While I might never appear on the stage of The Gaiety, which my favorite teacher wrote she would see me in my journal when leaving school, I will follow my passion for writing whether it goes somewhere or stays just for me, whether people read it or not, if people think its pure genius or utter tripe. As, frankly, life is to f*ing short right!?

Who wants to be part of the crowd!?

This is a two part blog post, next post: ‘Originality – Has Someone Done This Before?’